How to Avoid The Jellyfish & Be A Starfish: Healing From Word-Wounds

Words sting. And you know they do. Perhaps a sting doesn’t even begin to describe what words from an abusive partner (parent, boss, friend, family member) have done to you.

Psychology Today reports that “…emotionally abused women were more likely to report poor physical health than other women, and their reported ailments were strikingly similar to those affecting physically abused women.” This fact should not be news to us but it is good to be reminded of the power of words and the necessity for healing.

The impact of words from abusive partners has been a theme in my own life and most certainly in the life of my clients. I can’t think of one client (counselling or coaching) that hasn’t been adversely affected by the soul-damaging words of an intimate partner (or person in a position of perceived or real power and authority over them).

And because I’m a person-centered and solution-focussed counsellor, I was recently inspired to design a tool that I could use and offer to individuals and professionals to guide clients through steps to healing these word-wounds. More about this later.

According to Wikipedia, “The stinging cells used by jellyfish to subdue their prey can also injure humans. Many thousands of swimmers are stung every year, with effects ranging from mild discomfort to serious injury or even death; small box jellyfish are responsible for many of these deaths.”

When I read this description of a jellyfish, it rang true for me as a solid analogy with regard to how abusive language and words can sting us as we navigate the waters of relational life. As with the sting of a jellyfish, cruel words can injure and harm us - from mild discomfort to serious lifelong injury.

Then I noticed the word "subdue" in the above definition. Subdue means to "bring under control." Whoa! That lit me up. My mind raced as recollections flooded my memory of words my father and partners would use to "bring me under control." Words that killed my self-image, chipped away at my self-esteem, destroyed my spirit, killed my dreams, and put me in neutral because I bought into their lies. And I allowed them to have power over me. I don't say this as a shameful thing but a statement of fact.

Never again. I know better now. And yes, my favourite Maya Angelou quote once again fits perfectly here.  

“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” —Maya Angelou.

The awareness of the power of words from our past and how it informs our present is the first step toward healing and strengthening.

If verbal abuse is not dealt with by being put in its place and replaced by truth, these damaging words and messages become what we believe to be true about ourselves (even though they are lies). These have a tendency to accumulate (because they are left to fester and grow into every area of our life - future relationships, life decisions, career choices) and sometimes can become life-threatening, even causing death.

It is imperative to note that it’s not "just the words" that can pack a punch but the messenger of them. Let me give an example:

If a driver in traffic were to call me “crazy” because of a perceived error in my driving habits (or I just made a mistake - it happens) or because they woke up on the wrong side of the bed, it might sting for a few seconds then dissipate by the time I reach my destination. It's done and forgotten, except for a good 'ol road rage story around the water cooler or Facebook post. However, if an intimate partner/husband to whom I entrust with my heart to cherish and love me, and with whom I share a home (a place supposed to be shelter and safety from the world) and a bed with follows me around the house and accuses me of being “crazy” and yells that into my face as the froth of rage forms around his mouth - that causes a different degree of soul damage.

Same word, different messenger, different circumstances.

Further damage or re-injury can happen when we attempt to share our hurtful experience with someone. Have you ever shared a hurtful message with someone only to be judged for your over-sensitivity and it be completely written off, discounted or (possibly worse) one-upmanship? Has someone completely invalidated the event to the point you were wishing you'd never shared? I’m guessing that’s happened to you. So this is when you dig deep(er). The knowing that it affected you, regardless of how someone else reacted to it, is the beginning of the work to healing from it. We don't need anyone else (although it's nice) to give us their stamp of approval of what to hurt over and what not to. If it hurt or affected you, then let's work with that. No questions asked. No judgment. 

If stuffed into the depths of our souls, over time hurtful, wounding words can cause us death, both figuratively and literally. Damaging words can throw us into a tailspin of despair and confusion, can cause us to give something up that we love, and dreams to die. The word-wounds are meant to break us down, put us in a place of disadvantage, subdue us, chip away and destroy our self-worth and self-confidence. They are meant to confuse and wear us down to the point that we feel worthless and lost in the lies and wreckage of what was once our self-esteem and dreams.

If we don’t have the awareness, resources, tools, or a support system to counter the attack(s), they inevitably get stuffed and stored away into our memory banks. And the tapes surface at the most awkward of times, often playing on repeat, and make us further susceptible to more stings and re-injury by future partners. It’s a toxicity that plagues our minds and can affect our lives, our choices, our mental, physical and spiritual health.

Whew! Now the good news. 

In a world of jellyfish, be a starfish. Here’s an excerpt from my website about the starfish. Take a moment and take this in.

The Starfish or Sea Star is a highly unique, intricate, and amazing creature found in salt water and in many shapes, sizes, and colours. More than 2,000 species worldwide live in environments from tropical habitats to great depths of the seafloor.

Sea Stars are survivors and are capable of regeneration. Beyond their typical symmetrical ‘star’ shape with five arms, some species have ten, twenty, even forty arms (called Sun Stars). To survive a predator, they will shed a limb or even a large portion of their body, yet have an incredible capacity to regenerate limbs, and sometimes, entire bodies.

For more, click here.

Starfish are one of the few creatures that can regenerate. It’s one of the many reasons I love the symbolism of the starfish for my life and for counselling. I believe in restoration and renewal and healing. We may disagree on the source of that power but it’s a belief that is a foundation of my life and business.

Be encouraged by the starfish. Even though a predator from your past has taken a limb or two or three away, just like the starfish, you can heal and regenerate.

The other thing that works about this analogy is that limbs don’t regenerate in a magical instant - there is no quick fix. Regeneration comes with awareness, time and effort. And that can be counted on.

To avoid the jellyfish, we need to be able to identify them. Get clear on who is safe and who is not. Then we can make better choices of what waters to swim in and which areas to avoid. And, if you're swimming through the waters of life and you come across a jellyfish, you, being a starfish, will have the scars to prove you have withstood their stings before and a knowing you will experience healing again. Better yet, you will be able to avoid their sting altogether.

If you’d like a copy of my downloadable workbook Reframing Negative Messages: A Workbook For Healing From Past Hurts, please e-mail me and ask to be added to my e-newsletter list so you know when I release it later this month. To help continue my study and work, I will be asking a small fee for the download. This is a way you can support the work that I am doing in my singles' wellness initiatives and with others on their journey to healing and wholeness, while you have access to a timeless tool for life and healing.

Because every one counts,


Melanie Hart
Counsellor, Coach, and Singles' Wellness Facilitator


To Book Melanie for more information, for a counselling or coaching session, or for a speaking engagement, e-mail melaniejoyhart@icloud.com.

The Fog, The Mist, or The Clearing: Which Stage of Singleness Are You In?

Suddenly or not so suddenly - the relationship is over. Like many natural disasters, there is little you can do, if anything at all, to be fully prepared for the event and the aftermath. Whether you saw it coming or not is irrelevant because when it hits, it hurts.

In the aftermath, there is immense loss, seemingly irreparable damage, and it changes everything. Loss of a relationship or the breakdown of one is a highly critical time for individuals. The steps they take and the support we as a community of friends, family, and professionals offer, is equally critical.

Sunday night was the Inaugural Event of "Embracing Single", a Singles' Wellness Initiative that I have recently undertaken to focus on supporting individuals in Single Wellness. A dynamic group of singles mingled over coffee, and participated in a few community-building activities, then engaged in a group discussion.

One of the many takeaways for me at this event (that will now be a monthly event) was the stark reminder that we are all in various stages of our journey with singleness.

If I was to describe to you exactly how depression feels, having experienced depression more than once in my life, I could do a fairly good job of conjuring up enough memories of my mental and physical symptoms to describe my experience. But it would never capture its intensity, depth, or darkness as when I actually experienced it.

And if I was to describe the pain of childbirth, being 18+ years ago now, I could try to muster a memory of it, but the physical pain has buried in my distant memory and washed away by the highly capable and independent young woman who is my beautiful daughter today. The image of the event is now a completely different thing, not the pain of the event that gave life to her this many years later.

What I was reminded of at Sunday night's gathering of singles is the emotions and feelings of what it felt like a few "stages" of singleness ago. I was reminded of the rawness of it, the chaos that goes with it when emotions are just beneath the surface, of the mental anguish, and the emotional turmoil. And it's not that any of this was visibly seen at any time during this amazing event but let's just say there was a presence of it.

This reminder and awareness helped me broaden my scope of reach to singles in order to address the "other stages" of singleness.

Before you go about "Embracing Single", which I call Stage 3, you may need a little help "Stepping Into Singleness", which I call Stage 2. And you may be trying to do both and you dance in between the two. And that's okay.

I'll briefly describe the Stages from 3 to 1 so I can end up back at where I want to be.


Stage 3: The Clearing

Embracing Single is when you begin to see yourself and your world much clearer than previous stages. It is a season of stepping into full acceptance of your present independence.

The timelines for this stage would be around the 2+ year mark, although this is not a hard and fast rule. Time for healing is essential but of course depends on the circumstances and complexities around the ending of the relationship, how long you had been partnered, how long the finality of the relationship or divorce took, etc.

Stage 3 is essentially when you are ready to welcome this single season of your life and wanting to use this time to work on self. We call this individuation which is a time of heightening and fine-tuning self-awareness (internal self, how you see yourself), and self-actualization (external self, how you present to the world). It is a time where you are choosing to stay single and/or are in preparation for being coupled again. When you do enter a future relationship, doing this work will help you be higher functioning as an individual and as part of a couple.


Join us for Embracing Single: Conversations for Singles in Greater Victoria.

But before one can embrace singleness, one must have had to step into singleness.











Stage 2: The Mist

You are in Stage 2 of singleness if your relationship ended in the last 3-24 months. You have started to experience a clearer vision, the dense fog is clearing now you are in the mist (and the midst) of the events that have transpired, you have some knowledge of what you must do to move forward, but you are aware (whether you want to admit it or not) that this would best be done with support and resources to guide you through this season. This might require asking for help rather than retracting into isolation and continuing to struggle in unnecessary isolation, which for some of us is our pattern.

You are transitioning (whether by choice or necessity) into a new identity as a single and ready to make the choice to step into a new season of healing and toward wholeness. You are open to receiving support and learning additional life and coping skills.

Some may be still going through the legalities of separation and divorce, including court proceedings, addressing the sale of assets and properties, and maneuvering complex co-parenting issues. Other may find themselves facing destitution and financial ruin, homelessness, bankruptcy, and feeling very alone in it all.

The only thing I can absolutely promise in this stage, although not much consolation but riddled with hope, is that time will take care of most of what seems to be overwhelming you right now. Time for you to work through these things, time for others to journey with you, and time for you to reach out to get the resources you need to get through it including counseling and/or coaching, support groups, community resources, trusted friends and family.

I have created a new Meetup group called "Stepping Into Single" which is a Meetup to do similar things that the "Embracing Single" group does (connection, support and community), but with the emphasis on "support group" dynamics, giving those in Stage 2 a place and space to be in this stage.

*Please note that I have made this a faith-based support group as I cannot see my way to offering everything I have to offer singles in this stage without including gently applied biblical principles to offer love, hope, and support for those struggling, as well as music therapy and prayer. Those joining the group will be fully aware of this format. Join us!

Before the mist... there is fog.



Stage 1: The Fog

The aftermath of a loss of a relationship is a critical time for self-care and seeking the help of others. Separation and divorce is a loss. In fact, this event is loss upon loss, and treatment of it and recognition of this as a loss is when the healthy process of grief can take place.

I can only imagine what it would look and feel like through images from news reports, what it would feel like to stand in a house or community in the aftermath of a tsunami. The wave hit and annihilated everything in its path. Now you stand in the chaos of what was once your life. The resources that were once there, things like shelter, power, and light, have been wiped away. Members of your community were washed away with the receding tide. You stand alone. You stand among the ruins.

This is crisis. This is life-threatening. This is going to stretch every skill and resource you have at your fingertips to get you to a place of refuge. And perhaps in your mind, you are waiting for the next wave to hit.

Stage 1 of singleness can feel much like this tsunami scenario. You are standing in the aftermath. You find yourself feeling completely alone, in a fog, and the support you seek during this time is crucial. This is when you lay down your pride (if you have any left at all) and need to dig deep. The ironies are all around you. For to become self-sufficient, you ask for help. To become independent, you must depend on healthy relationships. Finding a small group of safe people with the resources to help you through the fog is essential. This could include being in the care of your doctor, seeking one on one counselling, joining a community support group, and staying connected to a close circle of family and friends who are safe, nurturing, and supportive. The support circle can start very small. Make it safe. As the fog clears, you will know who to invite into it. Just take care. Reach out. And know you are not alone.

I trust this was helpful for you in identifying where you find yourself in your stage of singleness. Perhaps you are someone in between. Whether you are in the fog, the mist, or the clearing, I hope you feel seen and supported...

Because every one counts,


Melanie
melaniejoyhart@icloud.com | www.melaniehart.ca

Dear Younger Me: Extending Grace & Hope for Your Past, Present & Future

If you could write to your younger self, what would you say? What do you know now that you wish your younger self had known? And when you hear that inner narrative to your younger self, is it one of self-deprecation, shame, and contempt, or is it nurturing, compassionate, kind, and undergirded with empathy? Answering these 3 questions would be a good indicator of where you are at with your emotional wellness.

To embrace any life season, including but not exclusive to the season of singleness, I believe it is optimal for us to first reconcile our past with ourselves which helps us individuate.

I have a favourite song called "Dear Younger Me by MercyMe." As a songwriter, I admire the uniqueness and depth of the song. The lyrics reach into my soul's journey as they take a compassionate look back at the choices and challenges of a younger self while encouraging the present self. The song explores the choices and decisions we made then with what we knew to do then rather than the context of what we'd know to do today. This plays beautifully with the quote from Maya Angelou that I used in my previous blog. When this happens (that is, a gentle flow in theme as I create, write, and learn), I know to pay attention.

Lately, I'm able to look back at my own life from a higher viewpoint. And it looks like something is really coming together from the piles of patchworks and bits and pieces of material that has been my lived experiences. Before my viewpoint was low, obscured, and disjointed. All I could see was a mess of odds and ends of clashing colours and patterns of fabrics, like quilting squares started that didn't seem to connect with the others. And all I could feel was the cutting and ripping of the threads of the fabric while the needles and pins barely held me together... Now I think I'm becoming a beautiful quilt!

So if I were to write a Dear Younger Me letter, it would include the promise that I was going to come together one day - even though it didn't feel like it when life felt unlivable, joyless, even hopeless.

Can you see your quilt yet or are you still in the pins and needles and holding it together stage?

Permit me to take the Dear Younger Me theme even further. Let's take it into our future and imagine what we are saying to today's self which will be our younger selves in 3 months, 3 years, or 3 decades. Let's plan to write, "Well-done kiddo! You did what you knew to do with the support, resources, and skills you had then!"

As I tune in to my lived experiences, I experience the melodies in my mind like an 80s mixed tape. My songs (and in my case quite literally) are raw and dramatic and big ballads of trial and triumph, love and depression, sorrow and joy. In my case, as a singer/songwriter, I've literally sung out of those experiences and feelings. And now I say, "Well-done kiddo! Your life songs were to be shared and are now part of the patchwork of the beautiful quilt that is your life!" I might even say, "Keep going kiddo! Imagine what your quilt is going to look like 30 years from now!"

As I have progressed into the ability to extend compassion and kindness - even empathy to self (something I had an abundance of for others but lacked in extending to myself) - I think the exercise of writing to our younger selves is quite a great concept. Journalling love letters to ourselves could be such a healing experience! This exercise can help us grieve losses, help us heal from past hurt, and make healthy endings for things we would like to leave in our past so we can move forward with our future. It can also train our minds (or retrain or unlearn) to catch ourselves doing something right when many of us dwell on what we've done wrong. Doing this helps us in the here and now by bringing our present into perspective. Take it that next step and we are making good choices now so that our letters to ourselves from a future self are going to be epic!

It isn't like me to ask others or teach others to do something I haven't done myself. So I am going to try a few examples from my own life that you could try:

1. Dear Younger Me, You are going to go through a few relationships in your adult life before you learn to truly embrace yourself in a single season. You didn't make great choices because you wanted so desperately to be loved. I totally get that. I'd forgive you because you probably think you need to be forgiven but there's nothing to forgive. You didn't know how much you were loved without the need to look for it in less than ideal relationships. You did what you thought you needed to do. And it's okay. It turns out that you were loved all along, you just couldn't see or feel it for yourself. And that's okay too. You'll get it. You'll learn to love yourself more and you'll love others even more than you do now. It will just take time. Hang in there.

2. Dear Younger Me, You don't know this yet but you will discover one day that your life experiences that are hard and painful now are going to help you write songs (and blogs) that will touch the lives of others. You will have a season of songwriting and singing and sharing your experiences and it will take you to places you never imagined going - in a good way! And by the way, I also want you to know that you are loved just as you are. Some will love you because you performed for them and will withhold love when you stop. Others that should love you will discourage you, shame you, and walk away from you when you do. You'll figure it all out and be stronger for it. Most importantly, you don't need to perform in any way or for anyone to be loved. You just are.

3. Dear Younger Me, You are brave and strong. You were incredibly resourceful and resilient - and you are a survivor. Looking at younger you makes me proud. You were so brave without knowing how brave you were. You couldn't even see all you have braved to fight through your darkest of times. You couldn't yet see the perseverance it would take to keep going. Well, I do. I see you. You are not only brave and strong, you still loved others well even in your pain. I admire you for that and that is a younger me that I am taking with me into the future.

When I went to try the above exercise for myself, it was at first harder than I thought. It's a very intimate exercise. The self-affirmation part - I'm not gonna lie - felt uncomfortable. It may have been uncomfortable for you to read. How can this woman write those things about herself? Many of us were programmed not to embrace affirmation yet we were starved for it. That's when we must now parent ourselves as adults. Self-affirmation doesn't make us prideful (wrong-thinking legalistic religious indoctrination lies just beneath the surface for many of us). What it does do is build up healthy self-esteem or healthy ego that we need to move forward in a healthy way. So go ahead! If you need permission to self-affirm - I'm giving it to you! The Bible tells us to "Love our neighbours as OURSELVES." I think that's pretty clear and gives this church girl a green light for learning to love myself. It's just that a lot of us do a better job at loving others more than ourselves. Yes, I digress but this was a necessary digression!

The steps I took to come up with the above points were to remember the ways I have been hard on myself for decisions I made that I felt stuck in, or ashamed of, or lost in, and then to extend grace to myself in those situations. If you need help in doing this exercise, I'm wondering if you can think of it like this:

Extend Grace (to younger self) followed by Hope (to present and future self). Grace for what you need to forgive yourself for (not knowing or knowing how to do differently) and Hope for a better future based on the decisions you can now make moving forward. But it doesn't end there. This process is cyclical. We will always want to embrace Grace and embrace Hope for self as we will inevitably stumble our way into our future. Try having both like two walking polls by your side propelling you down life's path. Keep them handy!

And so we embrace our season knowing this is only part of the beautiful quilt that will be our life. And remember to climb up high and look down, gaze across and over the patchworks of your life - it's great perspective, past, present, and future. And I hope you can see the Grace and feel the Hope of it all on the journey.

Please write and share your "Dear Younger Me" excerpts in the comments below.

Because Every One Counts,

Melanie

When It Takes Courage To Be Single

What I most want singles to know is: singleness is not a deficiency.

This statement came to my attention as part of the feedback from my Singles Wellness Survey. (If you haven't taken it, please do.). At first glance, this statement seems like it should go without saying! Yet one only needs to look at what society has deemed normative, to discover that singleness is viewed as anything but normal.

This morning during my Facebook time I was assaulted by ad after ad telling me that I needed to pair up! Dating site ads were interwoven throughout my news feed with captions about men ready, willing, and able to take on a wife, take me out on a date, or sweep me off my feet! (Insert cough! cough! eye roll! ROFL! So much I could say here but I'll try to stay on topic.) The underlying message to our singleness during our most vulnerable moments, or worse, feeding our subconscious minds (and assaulting our souls) is "you are not enough", "click here and you'll get all your longings filled", "you would be better off with someone rather than in the sorry state you are in now - single!" If you listen really closely those are examples of the subliminal messages singles read, hear, and see all around us. Subtle. Not subtle!

Now I'm not blaming society (or even Facebook ads) for the pressures singles feel to date, pair off, couple, marry, or partner up. It goes far deeper and wider than that. What's most important is what I think about myself, where I'm choosing to get my needs met, and what choices I'm going to make moving forward. And this journey is why I'm choosing to spend my talents, time and energy cheerleading other singles to embrace their single season - to give them freedom and permission to just be single.

Not only is singleness not a deficiency but I believe it's an opportunity! Singleness is full of possibility when you're ready to see it that way. Regardless of what life stage you are single in, a mindset to lean into this season could be a game-changer for you. It could mean a fuller life in the here and now, as well as in your future, and most likely a more fulfilling (next) relationship if you choose to couple again.

At this point, I want to acknowledge that individuals who are single are coming from many different lived experiences, circumstances, and reasons they arrived at being single.

Some of you reading this have not yet found a partner in life (and have a deep deep longing for that). I want to say something to you. I wish to tell you that I see you too and acknowledge that the concept of Embracing Single might seem almost, well, cruel. And so I want you to know that I cheer for you too - to find that love that you so long for. Embracing Single doesn't mean we shut down our longings. Longings are longings. There is no shame in a longing! They tell us that we are alive and remind us that we are made to be loved! They are meant to be felt. They are a part of the fabric of our humanness. You have every right to long for and dream for that special someone. You're designed for that. However, how and when that longing gets fulfilled might turn out to look very different than you dreamed it would be. What an adventure! For now, do you think you might embrace single not as a resignation of your aloneness but as a way to gently lean into the season you are in? And while you do that, would you allow others to journey with you while we cheer you on in your singleness and in your desire to find that special relationship? I hope that feels comfortable for you. Embracing Single is for you too. Take courage.

Some did not become single by choice. And some of you became single because you made the decision to remove yourself from an abusive or toxic relationship. Some of you may still be in such emotional pain from your past relationship that facing singleness, now and into your future, has left you paralyzed with fear. Others may be in a place where you can't think or don't want to think "single" because you don't want to be "single!" Others find themselves on the hamster wheel of serial dating or relationship cycling, constantly succumbing to the pressures from within and from all around that you are somehow deficient because you're single so you must couple. For some, your singleness is fresh and seeing this season as "possibility" or "opportunity" is simply too soon. That's okay too. You'll be okay. And there are many singles who are thriving and not struggling in their singleness whatsoever. This is likely because they are further along into their journey as a single and they are... Embracing Single.

To all who are single and struggling in any way, I want to be a gentle voice of encouragement that reminds you that there will be good days ahead. I want you to know there is hope - even in your single season. Most of all that you are not alone and that there are others who are walking this journey too. If you would permit me to coach you for a moment by challenging you to think about one thing that is possible (something that gives you peace or even joy) because of your singleness and go from there, but when you are ready. This is when singleness takes courage.

Here are a few more things that singleness is not.
... is not a bad thing.
... does not mean that you will be single forever (unless you choose to be).
... does not make you lesser of a person in any way, no matter what emphasis on coupling family, culture, church, or any other societal pressures you perceived to be as truth about singleness versus coupling (marriage).

For the churched folks: the Bible talks about singleness as a gift. I think most of us church kids grew up in a culture within a culture that emphasized marriage as the ultimate go-to for adulthood. That notion, pressure, belief - whatever you want to call it - has lead a lot of us church kids down self-destructive paths. Let me say that I believe that marriage is a beautiful and sacred thing but it isn't a union that makes us more complete as an individual. This is a complex topic and for another blog. I merely wanted to point out that singleness is revered in the Bible and as a kid who grew up in the Church I wish I had seen singlness as more of an option. Being single in the Church takes courage. If any of you have ever walked into a church service on a Sunday (or any church event) as a single person, you know what I'm talking about! This is a worth-while conversation but again for another time. I want to encourage churches to see singles, embrace singles, and minister to them in their singleness.

Here are my top 3 reasons that I believe singleness takes courage:

1. Singleness takes courage when you stop and take inventory of oneself, your past patterns and behaviors, and take responsibility for what you are responsible for as to why your past relationships have not worked out. As much as your single season can be an exciting season, it can also be hard work. It takes courage to know thyself. It's humbling. It's frustrating at times and it's easier to remain on the hamster wheel then to get off. Some things you're going to love about yourself. Other things may appear ugly. But the sheer courage to stop and do the work is a decision one should feel proud of!

2. It takes courage to take time out to be single in a world where it seems like everyone else is a couple. Of course, we know statistically, this is not true. In my previous blog, I pointed out that there are now more single households in Canadain history than ever before. But the perception that everyone has someone, especially, when that is a deep longing you have, can be painful. It takes courage to say that you, in all of your singleness glory, are enough! (Note to self: future Instagram post!)

3. Singleness can be financially daunting. Everyone who has lived alone and been completely responsible for the roof over your head, for every bill and expense, knows that this is a tremendous responsibility in an expensive world. It takes courage to be single when there is no financial safety net of another person's income. Then there's the future. Perhaps you are without a steady job, or a pension, and have had a life where it was difficult to accumulate savings. This isn't ideal but it's a reality many singles face. It takes courage to face the future as a single.

In the comments below, please complete the sentence: "It takes courage to be single when..." I would be interested to hear what you think.

In the meantime, please connect with our Embracing Single Group on the Meetup.com. You can find our group Embracing Single, Conversations for Singles in Greater Victoria on there. I am open to hosting more singles groups in person or online as momentum builds. Let's build a community where we can encourage each other to take courage!

Because every one counts,

Melanie